


Thief

by Bitterpotato00



Category: Pocket Monsters SPECIAL | Pokemon Adventures, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Blue and Silver, Emotional Manipulation, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Preciousmetalshipping, nsfw references, overprotective sibling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:43:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19430011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitterpotato00/pseuds/Bitterpotato00
Summary: It wasn’t that she wanted to quash his happiness- quite the contrary. But Silver’s new relationship is a cancer, and Blue will not stop until he sees that she’s right.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> While I love people writing Blue as the supportive, healthy big sister to Silver, I decided to twist her into a vengeful and manipulative girl who just can’t accept that her little brother can function- and love- without her.

————————  
In hindsight, she had lost Silver from the very moment he returned from the crack in time. 

It was a slow process. Like a cancer, she thinks, reflecting on how it started off so small, so miniscule and unimportant and harmless before growing into a massive, ugly wreck. And, just like a cancer, it left nothing but pain and emptiness in its wake. 

Blue warned him time and time again to never trust strangers. 

“A past like ours,” she had said to him for what had felt like the hundredth time, “reminds us of how people really are; don’t interact enough with them to see what exactly they want with you.”

He’d agreed. She didn’t believe him; mere weeks after she’d left him alone in Johto, Blue had returned to see Silver interacting with, talking to, crying over-

Blue should’ve put an end to it back then, should’ve hammered it into him while she still had the chance, and while he was still so malleable to her, so dependent on his big sister’s advice. But she didn’t. It was so small; surely Silver wouldn’t fall for such insincere affections. That boy had nothing to offer him. 

That’s what she told herself. 

————  
Three years later, she saw how the cancer had grown. They were freed from their stony prison and the world had been spared from evil once again. Blue turned to embrace Silver, but next to her instead was an open space. 

He was with him. 

Again. 

Blue saw how his face lit up when he regarded Gold, the boy he saw something, something in, but she couldn’t figure out what. He was a crude, vulgar, privileged brat- just some rich kid who barely had the depth to understand the mere surface of what had happened to them. His hand laid casually on Silver’s shoulder and Blue could feel her stomach flip. She strode over and greeted Silver before slipping her arm through his and dragging him away. Gold’s farewell call of “See ya, Silv!” had her teeth clenching behind a cheery smile. 

Blue cornered him soon after. 

“So,” she smiled, “who’s that boy?”

“An... acquaintance.”

Hope spread through her system: not a friend, most definitely not an ally (like her), just an acquaintance. But even that was too much. 

“You know, Silver, what I’ve always said about keeping away from strangers-“

“Gold’s not a stranger.”

“That doesn’t mean he can be trusted.” Blue watched as her little brother fiddled with his jacket, his face blank yet clearly mulling over her words. 

Nobody could read him like she could. That was something Blue took pride in. 

She was so deep in her head that she didn’t catch Silver’s quiet mutter. 

“Whatja say?”

Silver took a breath. His eyes didn’t meet hers. 

“He invited me over to his house, and I said yes.”

“Oh, Silver.” Blue shook her head. It was too much. Far too much. She had been kind to even let Silver interact with that twerp, now he’s inviting him over? And he accepted? Boundaries had to be made. Warnings had to be emphasized. “You barely know him! What’s the use of going over there?”

“Well, last time-“

“You’ve been there before?”

Silver flinched at her, narrowing his eyes slightly as Blue nearly sprang forward in surprise. He remained stiff as she broke out into giggles. 

“What’s so funny?”

“What’d you take, huh? That kid just looks like he comes from money! How much could you snatch at once? Anything valuable-“

“I didn’t go there for that, Blue!” He snapped at her. “Look, I... it’s nice there. There’s a bunch of domesticated pokémon, and he has a mother who’s real nice to me, and didn’t even mock me for being so dirty. I got to eat with them and they convinced me to stay the night. Blue, I’ve never felt- I’ve never felt so safe before.”

“Haven’t you been listening to what I’ve taught you? What did I always say about strangers, huh?”

“But he’s not-“

“Yes, Silver! Yes he is! He’s nothing but a stranger to you, and you’re allowing yourself to get vulnerable with him. You got any idea of what he could do to you? He seems nice, great. How adorable. A lot of people seem nice, but if people were actually nice, then we wouldn’t be hurt the way we’re hurt.”

“You won’t let me get a word in!”

“Because you’re being ridiculous! You’re being weak!”

Silver’s face fell immediately. Although she felt the pang in her chest from the way Silver looked so utterly defeated, Blue knew she had won; any mention of weakness immediately deflated his resistance like a pin to a balloon. ‘Sometimes tough love is the best way,’ she reasoned to herself, ‘and I know what’s best for him.’

His soft voice snapped her from her thoughts. 

“I’m being weak?”

Silver was pale in the face and his shoulders sagged. She gently placed a hand on his cheek and offered him a warm smile. 

“It’s okay Silver. You get tripped up sometimes. Gold has... an interesting way of trying to trap you, so you fell for it. Now you know, okay? And you know,” Blue murmured sweetly, “that I know what’s best for you. Just stay away from him, he’ll leave you alone soon enough.”

Her warm arms wrapped tightly about him and she pressed a kiss to the top of his head. 

In hindsight, she realized that it was around that time when he stopped hugging her back. 

—————  
It wasn’t that she wanted to quash his happiness- quite the contrary. The times she can remember when Silver cracked a genuine smile sent her heart soaring and made her hectic life just a bit easier. But it was rare- so rare, in fact, that Blue had only seen it a handful of times. So how, how could it be brought about so easily for him?

She could tell that Silver was hiding something from her. She always could tell when Silver was acting off- that was what big sisters do best. But no amount of teasing or encouraging tones of her voice could get him to crack. That had never happened before. Silver couldn’t keep a secret from her, and he didn’t want to. Didn’t he know he could always rely on her? Couldn’t he see that there was no need to hide from her, unlike everybody else out to get him? Now it was her turn to hide- to hide her fear that she couldn’t get through to him like she used to. 

In the end, it wasn’t Silver who cracked, but Red. 

As always, Blue could count on getting what she needed from gullible, well-meaning Red. A relationship. That’s what he called it. Silver was in a relationship- a romantic one!- with him?

How stupid. And unneeded. He didn’t need romance. He shouldn’t have had to bother with some asshole when he had all the emotional support and company right in front of him. 

———  
It didn’t register at first. Silver, the boy so stiff that it took ages for him to simply hold hands with her, sat shoulder to shoulder with the very asshole Blue encouraged him to cut off. From her spot in the tree she saw them watching Red’s robot show. Gold must’ve said something incredibly, unprecedentedly thoughtful (“Bullshit,” Blue thought, “he hasn’t had one valuable thing to say in his life.”) because Silver turned to him and smiled. 

For once, Silver’s smile left her aggravated. That aggravation morphed into full-on horror as Gold took her brother’s face in his hands and kissed him before pulling away. Another genuine smile, then Silver closed the gap between them once again. When the two toppled sideways onto the couch, arms wrapped around the other and Silver’s lips at Gold’s neck, Blue could have puked. Her distress was instead inflicted on her binoculars- they plummeted towards the ground, and she heard a lens crack vaguely as Jiggly lifted her away. 

Once home, Blue dragged herself upstairs and flung open the door to her room. Even her happiness over the fact that she finally found her home and loving parents couldn’t compete with the disgust from the horrible scene she’d witnessed. Blue collapsed on her bed. Minutes and minutes passed as she mulled over the situation in her head, feeling the heat of anger slowly overtaking her body. How could he? After all she had done for Silver: keeping him safe, fending off enemies, ensuring that he became strong and independent- he’d gone out and played his chances with Gold, played his chances of losing everything she’d taught him. All for some boy. All for that stupid-

Her seething thoughts were cut off by several thumps on the roof. Blue’s breath instinctively caught in her throat, but even before she could release Blasty and confront the source of the sound, Silver emerged through her window and recalled his honchkrow. A pair of broken binoculars was clenched in his fist. 

He outstretched his hand to her, offering the smashed device. 

“I thought that you’d want these back,” Silver muttered quietly. His voice lacked its usual softness it had when talking to her. “Since you obviously rely on them to spy on me.”

Of all the times she’d have failed to be sneaky...

“It wasn’t so much spying as it was...” Either denial or habit had Blue’s mind immediately attempt to make up a clever story, a thorough excuse, something to make the situation less damning. 

Silver was having none of it. 

“Knock it off with the lies, Blue. You’ve got something to say, so just come out and say it. Why were you spying on us?”

She sighed and sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to her for her little brother to sit as well. He ignored her suggestion and stood arms crossed and waiting for her to speak. Stung by the rejection, Blue spat out,

“I told you to stay away from him and you didn’t listen to me!”

“I tried to,” Silver exclaimed. “But time went on and he didn’t stop and... I didn’t want to stay away anymore.”

Blue stood up and strode over to him and firmly grabbed his shoulders. “Silver, are you listening to yourself? Look at what he’s done to you! He was all over you, and you let him continue. You’re not thinking clearly. I’m just trying to help you survive, is all.... just like when we were little. I’ve always known what’s best for you but I guess I can’t force you to take my help and advice.”

Silver’s gloved hands took hold of hers and gently moved them off his shoulders. Confident in her triumph of wills, Blue eased a loving smile onto her face and gazed up at her little brother. Her smile faltered when she was met with a chilling glare. 

“You’re trying to manipulate me,” his voice was low and icy, “and it’s not working.”

Blue was left stunned and silent as Silver tossed the device onto her bed, released honchkrow, and disappeared through the window and out into the brisk night sky. 

—————  
If she couldn’t reach Silver, then she’d reach Gold. From what Blue could tell, the object of Silver’s nonsensical fixation was quite simple; he was a one-dimensional jovial jock who wanted to put his dick in whatever he could, whenever he had the chance. Silver was nothing but his next conquest. Well, if Gold was interested in somebody as off-putting as Silver, with his bony stature and (usually) cold demeanor, then obviously he’d be drawn to her even more. She had the assets and the ass necessary to expose Silver’s manwhore for what he really was- a manipulative sleaze. 

So she separated the two (which was incredibly difficult, they were disgustingly attached at the hip) and employed all her tricks on Gold- standing a bit too close, brushing her hands against his body, giving him sly looks and little slips of her tongue. When he took the initiative to get her alone, Blue was confident she’d have a damning fling and a crushing story to relay to her little brother, comforting him when he inevitably got upset and gently asserting that big sis knew best. 

But there was no fling. Gold held her away when she practically launched herself at him, a disgusted look on his face. 

“Dude, what the fuck, Blue? I’m already with Silver!”

Blue pouted. “Oh c’mon cutie! Don’t pretend you haven’t thought about me. We both know he can’t satisfy you like I can.”

She leant up for a kiss and was met with his hand over her mouth, keeping her away. 

Gold’s eyes were narrowed and his posture was stiff and awkward. 

“What’s with you,” he sneered. “Why are you doing this to him? He’s your brother and you’re trying to hurt him!”

Gold’s hand flew off her mouth when she playfully licked it. He stuffed them into his pockets with a revolted sound. 

“I’m out, man. Fuck this.”

“Fine. Good luck finding something real.”

“I have something real,” he spat, turning to face her. “I have something real with him, and it’s way too valuable to throw away- especially for the likes of you.”

Blue watched him walk away, mentally crossing out yet another promising scheme, depleting another strategy of killing the ever-growing cancer. 

————  
The next time he approached her, Silver didn’t let Blue get a word in before letting loose. 

“Why do you hate me?”

The utter defeat in Silver’s voice almost made her hesitate, but Blue immediately fought to oppose his ridiculous assumption. 

“Silver? I- I don’t-“ Blue shook her head in an attempt to gather her thoughts. He backed away as she strode towards him. “-you know I don’t hate you! You know how much I love you!” 

“You don’t fucking love me. If you loved me you wouldn’t be pulling this shit! How could you? All over him, trying to prove some point, trying to take him away from me!”

“How did you-“

“You’re not as clever as you think you are,” Silver snarled, “And you’re not the only one with access to a recording device. I heard everything!”

“I’m just trying to-“

“Just trying to what, huh? You got your happy family, your house, and your normal life. Is that not enough?”

Blue shook her head. “What are you talking about? What’re you trying to say?”

“It’s never enough for you, is it?” Silver’s voice was quiet yet loathsome. He stepped up and leaned down so they were nose to nose, his gray eyes ablaze with fury. “You never stopped being a thief. You have your happy life now but it’s still not enough for you. I find somebody who makes me happy despite having a fucked up life, and you try to take him away. You’re a fucking thief, Blue, but now-“ his voice broke. Silver shook his head and started backing away. “-now, instead of stealing clothes or food, you’re trying to steal people.”

When he had no room left to back up, Silver crossed his arms and leaned back, far away so that Blue couldn’t get too close to him. But he could still see her face; her clear eyes and determined expression and clenched fists and set mouth. He could still hear her voice. He could hear all the times she’d spoken to him throughout the years, comforting him after Pryce left him beaten on an icy floor, teaching him how to subtly swipe wallets in seconds, singing him happy birthday. Her warm hands holding and hugging and gripping him close during the hard times. 

But Blue changed. Her face was familiar yet terrifying because he knew that she hid her hatred behind a smile. Her voice was melodic yet jarring because he knew that she lied. Her touch was comforting yet torturous because he knew that she couldn’t let go. 

And Silver didn’t realize he was crying until suddenly there were tear tracks on his face and Blue’s expression softened; she seemed to move in slow motion, creeping closer and closer and closer until he could nearly make out every crevice of her face and crack of her voice and scorching of her-

“Don’t touch me! Back off!”

She kept coming. Blue saw Silver’s gray eyes in the light and recognized fear in them. One moment she raised her hands to cup his face...

....and the next she was on the ground, her shoulders stinging from his shove. Her eyes narrowed and she bared her teeth. 

“I see,” Blue bit out, “you chose your little sex buddy over your big sister.”

Softly, “I love him.”

One last attempt at submission. “What a shame. He’s made you soft. Weak.” She emphasized the final word with as much malice as she could muster. 

Silver crouched down to where Blue was still sprawled out on the ground. 

“I’d rather be weak with him than strong with you. Stay away from us. This is your final warning.”

————  
Blue was not a girl keen on compromising, especially on pressing issues such as these. She always had a plan in mind. 

She would wait. Let Silver make his mistakes. Let him screw up just like in their early days of training together. He’d get hurt, get bruised and battered, then finally realize the error of his ways. He’d come crawling back to her. She knew he would. Blue knew Silver like the back of her hand, and no boy could ever change that. 

So Blue kept her distance: trained her team, got used to living a “normal” life at home, and desperately tried to remain confident in her new strategy. 

Such confidence was tested because whenever she saw Silver- from far away, of course- he was never alone. Gold was always at his side, with an arm around her little brothers shoulders or his hand clutched in his. Silver was all smiles and Blue was nauseated to see him so happy. He was being fooled, and going willingly along with the person playing him. Silver was no fool. 

‘What happened to him?’ She wondered. 

Gone was the stoic and careful boy she’d lovingly raised. The young man who replaced him wanted nothing to do with her. 

————  
Years had passed by the time Silver reached out to her, and for one reason:

Gold was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gold is dead. Silver is alone, and in need of somebody to hold onto.

————  
Silver always needed something to hold onto. Concealed within his earliest memories, he constantly clutched his handkerchief- it was the only toy he’d never misplace. Then, when all semblances of “normal” were gone, Silver attached himself to Blue. Not physically at first: the Masked Man was a staunch nemesis to any display of affection or emotion, so he settled for listening to her voice and looking at her for comfort. And she did the same for him. 

It was after they’d escaped that Blue had first declared them ‘siblings’, and herself his ‘big sis’. When Silver questioned her she informed him that she’d always be there for him. 

He didn’t need anybody else, she said. It was less of a statement as it was a demand. 

Blue’s assertion was quite easy to obey for years. Under his big sister’s insistence, Silver avoided strangers like the plague: he returned eye contact with glares, made no other alliances, and stole whatever he needed. What he didn’t inherently know (which was everything, Blue once claimed) she taught him. Not everything Silver held onto was physical- her lessons on survival were often clung to like a lone piece of shipwreck and strictly followed. 

Blue made him recite the list regularly, not minding if her little brother couldn’t quite sound out all the words. 

“Stay away from people unless you need to take something. Don’t show emotion or vulnerability to strangers because they will take advantage of you. Keep Sneasel on hand at all times. Locate exits and potential weapons immediately. Pay attention to body language. Don’t hold conversations. Sleep light...”

“And?”

“And.... and...” Silver paused, squinting his eyes at nothing in an attempt to remember another rule. 

Blue sighed in exasperation. “Is it a good idea to trust people, Silver?”

He perked up instantly. “No. Don’t trust strangers. Trust nobody.” 

Trust nobody. Trust nobody. No matter how many times she’d drilled it into his head, Silver always seemed to let it slip. But Blue was always confident in him; she’d been with him through hell and high water and knew that he listened to everything she had to say. 

He would never defy his only ally. 

When she hugged him, Silver still felt himself stiffen. Their masks and abusive “teacher” were long gone, and Silver was allowed to exhibit emotion again, so Blue graciously instilled great trust (in her) and great love. 

But, most of all, the greatest emotion ingrained in Silver was fear. 

“There’s terrible things all around us,” Blue clutched at his hands, which adorned the gloves she’d made just for him. “And terrible people who want to do terrible things to us. So we have to stick together, okay? You have to listen to me because I’ll always know what’s best for you, Silver. I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied. And he meant it. 

——————  
Silver sighed. He’d been sitting in the same position, staring in the same direction, and dreading the same thing. 

He had to call Crys. He knew he had to. But that didn’t mean he wanted to. 

The funeral was a week ago, but the apartment still stunk of slowly decaying flowers and still-sitting food that Silver knew had already gone bad. It was a nice funeral, he thought. But one thought led to another; thoughts about the funeral led to thoughts about putting Gold in the ground, to thoughts that Gold was never coming out of the ground again, ever, to thoughts of Gold rotting away alone in the dark, some place where Silver could never reach him. He wasn’t there for Silver to hold onto anymore. 

Most of his time was spent sitting in one place, one position, and trying desperately to feel Gold’s touch. 

“Take my hands,” he begged. “Punch my shoulder, pull my hair, do something! Please! Please be here!”

Tears slid down his face but Silver didn’t bother wiping them. How could he? What if Gold reached out to him while he was distracted, and he missed it? How could he ever forgive himself?

How could he ever, ever forgive himself?

“It’s not your fault, Silver,” Crys had stated softly, her voice just managing to stay steady. 

“Please don’t blame yourself,” Red pleaded. 

“There’s nothing you could’ve done,” Green’s voice was cool as ever, but Silver saw the worry in his eyes. 

“Silver, honey, please take care of yourself,” Gold’s mom gently asserted. 

And from everybody:

“You know he loved you.”

He did. And Silver loved him too; he loved him so hard that it hurt. 

————  
Silver’s first legitimate bed was introduced to him when he was around twelve or thirteen, by none other than Gold. The boy’s initial invite was met with sneers and rejections and mental reminders of the rules Blue hammered into him, but before long “I’m not coming over, shithead,” became “I’m leaving as soon as night falls,” which then morphed into “I’ll just stay one night, and that’s it, Gold!” The charade finally concluded with Silver laying down in the dark, fully fed and feeling the vague sense of being wanted. 

And he slept deeply that night (“Sleep light, Silver,” Blue’s voice rang out in his head, muffled, quiet, and ultimately ignored) for the first time in years. It was the first time he felt safe enough to do so. 

Gold’s demand the next day was simultaneously dangerous and nearly irresistible:

“You can stay here, you know.”

“What?” He must’ve heard wrong. Nobody would ever want to associate with him, much less house him (he knew it because Blue had said so). He was a thief. And a street rat. And undesirable, as a whole. He must’ve heard wrong. 

He didn’t. 

“I said, you can stay here. Mom doesn’t mind and there’s plenty of space. You don’t have to be a hobo anymore.” Silver could tell from the tone of his voice and matter-of-fact expression that Gold was being completely serious. 

“I...” Silver didn’t like the way that Gold’s expectant stare could make him wilt so easily. It was a decision he could’ve made in his sleep. No. The answer was no. Why was it so hard to spit out? “I... I can’t. Not now.”

He braced himself for an argument that didn’t occur. Instead, Gold playfully grabbed at his shoulder and grinned, “Jesus man, don’t look so miserable! You can come over whenever you want, and if you change your mind, just lemme know. You’re always welcome here.”

‘Welcome’ wasn’t a phrase that Silver associated with himself, but he responded to the offer with a small smile. Although Gold had good intentions (“People don’t have good intentions, Silver, don’t fall for their lies”), he couldn’t take up the offer, no matter how much he wanted to. That’s what he told himself. 

Acutely Silver could still feel the warmth of Gold’s hand on his shoulder even as he called out Murkrow and took flight. Despite his outer reluctance, his gut told him that one day he would, indeed, take the plunge and give up his ‘hobo’ lifestyle. 

Sleeping in a bed again would be worth the blow to his pride. 

————  
To Silver, the simple object of a bed was once a cherished yet far-away prize; it was nice and comfy to sleep in, of course, but there was more to it for him. It was a symbol for a normal life, a life that had been torn away from him long before he could actually recall semblances of it. It was rest after a hard day, an easy day, or any day at all; it was there and reliable to most people, people who took no time to consider their sheer luck at having a bed to lie in. 

That deep sleep in the guest room of Gold’s house wasn’t the last time Silver would rest easy in a bed. It was just the beginning. 

He slept in that same guest room during the times when he simply stayed the night. Then, when the guest room became his own (Blue always told him to trust his gut. Lo and behold, his gut was right; it only took a few years for him to relent and take Gold’s permanent invitation.) he slept there every night. After growing feelings and mutual realizations, as well as an uncomfortable sex talk given by Gold’s mom, Silver moved into Gold’s bed. It was barely big enough for the both of them, but Silver didn’t mind that- he wasn’t sure back then if Gold would always wrap his arms around him while they slept, or if it was just a matter of too little space. 

It was the former. 

Finally, after the two of them moved into a tight apartment, Silver slept in the bed they bought together. He grew accustomed to Gold’s warmth near him, by his side, on top of him or underneath him. It was a constant source of comfort and something reliable to hold onto. 

Until one morning it wasn’t. 

Until that morning when Gold’s warmth was jarringly replaced with deep, stiff, disturbing coldness- a coldness that zapped Silver’s fist when he got frustrated and punched his back (The stupid alarm had to ruin everything. Silver could’ve slept with him forever and never had to wake up to the inevitable but the alarm just didn’t shut up. It wasn’t meant to be.) and jolted him into full consciousness. He pulled Gold’s rigid form over to face him and his heart caught in his throat and he pounded on his shoulder and screamed-

-and awoke again, alone in the dark. The bed was empty except for him. 

Silver’s pokegear was still clutched tight in his fist. 

Crys. That’s right. He had to call Crys. But his heart was racing in his chest and cold sweat drenched his back and dripped down his neck. 

The bed wasn’t a source of comfort anymore. Instead, it emphasized the fact what Silver was alone. 

He glanced at Gold’s side of the bed and immediately had to fight off tears. Huffing, Silver turned over and faced the clock on his nightstand. 2:47 am. 

Calling Crys wasn’t a chore then. It was a necessity. He needed somebody, somebody to talk to and hold because the darkness and quiet was about to swallow him. 

But it was late and Crys didn’t answer. Her receiver rang once twice three times and Silver could feel himself growing nauseous and increasingly distressed. He pulled the gear back and hit the ‘end call’ button before dialing a different number. His gut told him it wasn’t a good idea. His gut was ignored. 

A click, then: “Silver?”

He took a breath. 

“Hello, Blue.”

————  
Her soft voice split the silence. 

“So...”

Silver didn’t lift his eyes to meet Blue’s; whether from embarrassment or anger, he didn’t know, but his stare was towards the ground- and would stay there. 

She cleared her throat and tried again, “I’m glad you’re okay, I mean... I heard about what happened.”

“Did you.” It was less of a question as it was a confirmation. 

“Red told me. I never thought pneumonia could kill anybody, but- Silver?”

He couldn’t respond because the lump in his throat wouldn’t let him. Instead of staying strong and speaking coherently, Silver opened his mouth and immediately started sobbing. 

Blue’s arms wrapped around him but he felt no comfort. The hug wasn’t from the person he wanted. That person was never coming back. 

“I wasn’t supposed to be alone,” Silver’s voice broke on the last word. 

He felt Blue shake her head. 

“You’re not alone Silver. You never were because you’ve always had me. Even if,” she paused, and Silver noticed how her embrace tightened around him, but he felt no more comfort than he had ever since Gold died. “Even if you didn’t want to admit that.”

She wasn’t the one he wanted, or missed, or craved with every fiber of his being, but she was there for him to hold onto. So he did just that. 

————  
Blue came around a lot after that, but Silver knew that her constant “I was just in the neighborhood” scheme was an excuse to let herself into their- his- apartment. 

But her visits weren’t bad. They really weren’t. As long as the conversation was void of any and all mentions of Gold, their relationship was as good as normal. 

Somewhat. 

Silver considered Blue to have stayed the same person throughout the years, but he himself had changed for the worse. Gone was his constant desire to train. Gone was his dry sense of humor- little as it was. Gone was his motivation to do anything past getting out of bed in the morning (or late afternoon, or evening), and even that was wearing thin. 

That’s why Blue was there. She’d pick up the slack. He knew that because she’d told him multiple times. So when he’d woken up to his apartment completely reorganized and clean, he didn’t complain. 

Silver leaned against the wall and watched as Blue cleared off the cluttered countertop; she was saying something, but he didn’t bother to listen- he couldn’t, because suddenly all his attention was on the cold medicine bottle that Blue was about to throw away. 

“Don’t.”

She looked startled but put the bottle back on the counter. Silver took a step and picked up the container. His hands were trembling. ‘Benadryl,’ the medicine label read, ‘Nighttime cough and chest congestion syrup. Maximum strength. Use as directed.’

“Silver?” Blue was calling him again but he paid no mind to her. 

————  
“Silver!”

The sound of Gold’s voice easily tore his eyes away from the label. He looked horrible; his face was blanched, his black hair even more wild than usual, and there was a terrible wheezing sound with every breath he took. Silver narrowed his eyes and went back to meticulously reading the instructions on the bottle. 

“I’m telling you, it’s not so bad-“

“But it’s getting worse. You’re taking this, Gold, and then you’re going to the doctor.”

“Ever heard of a cold, Silv? Cause this,” he motioned to himself, “is a cold. It’s gonna pass.”

“A cold that hasn’t passed for multiple weeks. Right. No problems here.” Silver didn’t bother to hide his scathing sarcasm. 

He heard Gold sigh and tried to quash his smug smile; when Gold heaved those dramatic sighs of his, Silver was confident that he’d won. Even then, Gold’s theatrics weren’t as exaggerated as usual- a troubling sign of his extent of illness. 

Silver handed the small cup to him. Gold took it with a grimace. 

“Didja really have to pour it for me?”

“If you’re going to act like a child then I’ll treat you like one.”

“In that case,” Gold flashed his devious grin, “will you punish me when I’m bad?”

“Oh, I’ll punish you.” Silver strode towards him, meeting his (slightly bloodshot) eyes with a sultry smirk. He ran a hand down Gold’s chest and leaned up to kiss his neck: “I’ll punish you right now. Hard.”

Silver eased his lips next to Gold’s ear. He didn’t miss the way his breath caught in his throat with a loud wheeze. “No sex unless you take off work tomorrow and go to the doctor.”

A swat to Gold’s ass emphasized his point. Silver was off him and out of the kitchen in an instant, relishing in the croaky groan behind him. 

“Oh-“ a coughing fit, then: “-you win, asswipe. I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.” 

“Going to bed?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. I’ll be in shortly,” Silver took a deep breath, “I love you.”

Gold smiled. His eyes, though duller than usual, shone with pure happiness at the phrase. It didn’t quite get easier, Silver realized, to say those three important words, but them being said aloud and getting that smile in response was worth the vulnerability. He’d do it for Gold every time. 

“Night, Silv. Love you too.”

———  
He lifted one gloved hand to hide his tearful eyes before the medicine bottle was yanked from his grip. Silver’s questioning gaze met Blue’s harsh glare. She studied the object before speaking up:

“Lemme guess. You’re thinking of him again.”

Silver couldn’t help the confused noise that left his mouth. Before he could respond, she continued, “I know you probably believed you loved him and everything, and that you’re sad he’s gone, but honestly, Silver, it’s time to let go.” 

There was no doubt in his mind that Blue was completely serious; he didn’t know whether that relieved him or made him nauseous. 

He shook his head and wiped the spilling tears away. “It’s been two months, Blue-“

“Exactly. You’ve had your time to be upset, now you have to toughen up and forget about it.”

“Forget about him, you mean?” Silver could feel a dark anger in the pit of his stomach threatening to come up towards the surface. He pushed it back down. 

“If you have to. Silver, life isn’t fair-“

“I fucking realize that-“

“-and you just gotta roll with the punches. You know, you’re bringing everybody down by acting like this, especially me. I’m trying Silver,” Blue emphasized by clutching her hands together, “I really am, but you’re making this very hard for me. I’m doing all I can for you but nothing seems to be enough. Sometimes I think I’m just wasting my time...”

Silver felt his anger dwindle and morph into guilt. He couldn’t let down Blue like he had with Gold. If she left, who else would he hold onto? “Blue, no. You’re not wasting your time. I... I appreciate all you’re doing for me. I’ll try harder.”

Her gaze softened. “Good. Now,” she turned on her heel and marched briskly over to the trash can. The Benadryl bottle was dropped in and Blue turned to face him with a smile. 

“Look at that, Silver. Easy.”

And then she was gone, sliding past him and, with a kiss to his cheek that he didn’t have time to flinch from, was out the door. Silver stood in place for minutes on end, wondering how such a simple sentence and action could feel so viscous. 

He laid still in bed after retrieving the medicine from the garbage, one of Gold’s tee shirts in hand. No matter how hard he tried, Silver couldn’t imagine feeling the warmth of Gold’s arms around him- all he felt was the passing of time, dragging him further and further away from the love of his life. 

That feeling never passed. Instead, it worsened every day, and every day Silver noticed more and more dark thoughts creeping into his consciousness. 

‘No,’ he thought to himself, instinctively clutching Gold’s shirt tighter, ‘I can’t do that to Blue.’

But even his inner voice didn’t sound so sure. If given the choice between living with Blue or...

Silver shifted in an attempt to stop his train of thought, but he knew he couldn’t escape it, nor stop the hurt in his heart from pulling him towards that end goal. 

The pen and page remained dormant that night, as Silver hadn’t the energy or nerve to put them to use. His thoughts would become written words another day. 

His long-awaited and illegally purchased pills arrived on his doorstep the next morning. Silver picked them up and felt a rush of relief. 

—————  
They stayed that way for weeks, with Blue cheerily going about her life (many times within his apartment) while Silver struggled to both put on a brave face and stop mentioning Gold. He didn’t want to upset Blue. 

She was all he had left. 

She was all he had to hold onto, because Crystal, along with Red, Green, and Yellow, seemed to keep a very far distance from him ever since Blue came back into his life(“You don’t need anybody else.”). 

‘They must’ve gotten over it,’ Silver thought as he rifled through a drawer for the second time, intent on finding another of Gold’s shirts. He knew he hadn’t washed them- Gold’s scent was a comfort that he didn’t want to throw away- or even moved them, but perhaps he was forgetting. That’s what Blue had suggested, and Silver, keen on not upsetting her, dropped the subject. He misplaced his shirts- and his photos, his cue, his hat, and his goggles. But he didn’t lose them. He didn’t forget. 

Silver knew, but he didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to confront it unless he was forced to. 

Then Crys stormed into his apartment, and Silver’s strategy fell apart. 

From the moment the door opened (and after Silver’s shoulders relaxed when he saw that it wasn’t Blue), he could tell something was wrong. Crystal’s light blue eyes were bloodshot and puffy. In her trembling fist was a garbage bag, and Silver had a sinking feeling that he knew what the contents were. She set the bag down gingerly, her eyes not meeting his. When they did, though, there was a mix of grief and anger within them that struck Silver as painfully familiar. 

They stood still for moments before Crys spoke up, 

“I don’t understand you, Silver,” she began quietly, “but I’ve tried. I really have. When you stopped answering our calls-“

“You called me?”

Crys scowled. “Yes, I called you multiple times, and when you didn’t answer I had Red, Green, and Yellow call you as well. Nothing. I was trying to ask Blue about how you were doing...”

Silver let Crystal’s voice drown on. They called him. They all called him? Multiple times? How hadn’t he gotten those calls? 

“I didn’t know you guys called me.”

“Silver, quit playing dumb. If you don’t believe me, then check your pokegear. Better yet,” she stuck out her hand, “let me see.”

Silver wordlessly went into his bedroom and dug around in his bedside drawer, procuring his gear before sluggishly walking back to where Crys was waiting. She sharply took it from his gloved hands. Within seconds the device’s screen was in his blurry line of vision and Crys’ anger flared up again. 

“You blocked us,” she snarled. She stood there holding up the device for several long moments; Silver guessed that Crys was waiting for a response, but when she didn’t get one, her face softened and and the gear lowered slightly. “Silver.” Her voice, while still firm, lacked the heated anger she had before. “Silver, look at me!”

He didn’t realize he was crying. Gloved hands clutched at his face, and Silver ignored the familiar voice chiding him for his weakness in his mind (that sounded suspiciously like Blue). Acutely he heard Crys put down his pokegear and walk cautiously towards him. His breath caught in his throat (because this had happened before) and he shook his head. 

“Stop,” he begged tearfully, “please.”

When they opened, Silver’s gaze met hers- and for the first time that day, those light blue eyes held no anger, but fear. 

Crystal’s voice was light and soft: “Silver, what’s the matter with you?”

“The bag-“ he swallowed painfully. “-the bag... is it, his things?”

“It is.” Crys narrowed her eyes. “You don’t know? But you threw-“

“Never!” 

She flinched. 

He tried again. “Crys... it wasn’t me. The blocked contacts, the bag... I didn’t do any of it. I couldn’t.”

“What-“

It was like a geyser had erupted. “She told me to forget him, Crys. She told me to stop thinking about him and to stop crying over him and to stop- to stop loving him! I couldn’t. I can’t. But I couldn’t lose her too- couldn’t lose her like I lost him!”

“Silver,” Crys gripped his frantic hands, “it’s-“

The door opened. 

Crystal finished her sentence after laying eyes on Blue; her voice was filled with malice:

“-you.”

The shock on Blue’s face immediately shifted into fake excitement. 

“Hi, Crys! It’s so nice that you finally-“

“Shut up.” Her voice was sharp and her eyes were narrowed. “Just stop talking Blue, because I won’t believe a single word you say. You have Silver fooled, but you can’t fucking fool me.”

Crys strode to the garbage bag set on the floor and opened it. Out came Gold’s goggles and hat, comb and cue. She handed them to Silver before digging back in: “I kept asking myself,” Crys mumbled as she pulled out several shirts, “how somebody could treat the one they love so cruelly, so hatefully. How it could be possible to kill somebody a second time. Now I know, and Silver, now you know, too.” 

Finally Crystal pulled out a small piece of paper, stared at it, then proceeded to give it to him before walking to the door of the apartment, shoving past Blue on her way out. 

“Crys?”

“I can’t.” Silver could hear the tears in her voice. “I can’t look anymore. I can’t look at her.”

And she was gone, the door slamming behind her. Silver looked down at the paper in his hand and immediately felt his stomach drop. It was a photo of him and Gold; his arm was draped around Silver’s shoulder, his grinning mouth pressed against his blushing cheek. But in the picture, Silver was smiling. It was a small grin, barely noticeable and easily overshadowed by his prominent blush, but it was genuine. 

Genuine. When was the last time Silver had been allowed to be genuine?

He asked himself that question even though he knew the answer; he knew the last time he was genuine, and the last person he was genuine with. Silver could still hear him say ‘I love you’ and could still feel his burning lips on his cheek and could still harbor the fiery love he had for him. He still had Gold, but she was trying to take him away- and he was letting her. 

As if in an action ingrained in confirmation, the photo was snatched out of Silver’s hands and a deafening rip resounded through the silent room. 

And with that, Silver was done. If this was the person he had to hold onto, then he’d let go- he’d tear his grip away and run free. His face donned an old mask of icy indifference. She didn’t deserve his anger. 

“I told you to let go!” Blue’s tone was one of exasperation and her stance was firm. Once she saw his expression, though, worry crept into her eyes. 

Suddenly he could feel the warmth and weight of his gloves on his hands. They were a gift from Blue: a constant reminder of their alliance, as well as all the rules she’d ingrained in him. While they comforted him in the past, that comfort shriveled up and burst into the flames that currently burned him. 

“I am letting go,” Silver stated, mostly to himself. He removed one glove and felt the cool air touch his bare hand. “I’m letting go right now.”

The other glove came off and Silver strode to Blue, cupped her hands and dropped the black pieces of material into them. 

“Get out.”

When Blue met his eyes he kept his stare blank and his mouth set (“Don’t show emotion or vulnerability to strangers because they will take advantage of you”) and said in a monotonous voice:

“Take them. They mean nothing to me now.”

————  
He sat counting his own breaths after Blue reluctantly left his apartment. His room felt empty; there were his pants, his bare, shaking hands, and... quiet. And even as Silver’s breaths calmed and his hands steadied, the quiet never dissipated. 

‘This is how it’s gonna be now,’ the thought suddenly occurred to him. ‘This is what’s left for me.’

Alone. He silently sounded out the word; it was all he would be from then on. 

There were many things people called him, and many other things he could be classified as, but ‘alone’ was never one of them. Silver could handle being a thief. He could handle being cold and he could handle being stiff and unlikeable and exasperating (like Blue had always called him). What he couldn’t handle, however, was being alone. 

So he wouldn’t. 

He’d escape, like when he escaped from the Masked Man, or from the Lake of Rage, or (unsuccessfully) from Elm’s lab on that fateful, blessed day. Escape meant freedom. Escape meant contentment. And, Silver realized as he sat in the deafeningly silent room, escape meant finishing his note and utilizing the cyanide pills he’d managed to hide from Blue’s thorough eyes. 

And he believed that when he’d escape being alone in his quiet room and make it to where he was headed, Gold would be there waiting for him with a grin and an open hand, and that was the only reason Silver needed. He could hold onto Gold then- forever. 

But first he had to let go. 

Every pill in his sizable collection went down easily. Silver laid in the bed he and Gold once shared after he swallowed them, one of Gold’s hoodies in his hands. 

“Let go,” he whispered to himself. 

“Let go.” (The dark room went blurry)

“Let go.” (Silver could vaguely feel his body convulsing)

“Let go.” (It was Gold’s voice, encouraging him, beckoning him)

“Let go.”

Silver smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

In hindsight, she had lost Silver from the very moment he returned from the crack in time. And from that moment on, he wasn’t his own person anymore- he belonged to Gold. 

Blue knew slavery. Even years after their escape, she had intense floods of disturbing memories pertaining to her and Silver’s captivity under the Masked Man. But she got them out; she granted the two of them freedom- only for Silver to throw it away for “love”.

Blue knew slavery; she knew it came in all shapes and forms, and she was surprised to see her little brother fall back into the shackles of captivity mere years after their escape. It was different, yes, but kisses could be as toxic as beatings, sex could be as degrading as torture. Love could be as damning as hatred- that is, every type of love except for her love for him. He had pure, healthy love from her, had safety and independence and countless warnings, but none of those mattered. 

She never stood a chance. 

That bitter pill of truth had teetered on the edge of her throat for the past few years, and when she walked into his room and saw him, she swallowed it all at once. 

————  
With each step Blue takes towards the burial grounds, the dread in her stomach grows more and more intense. She is going to Silver’s funeral. Her little brother is gone. 

And though she was the closest to him, the funeral plans excluded her entirely. The only reason she found her way over was because Yellow nervously told her the date and time. She hadn’t looked Blue in the eyes once; her detached gaze had stayed towards the ground. As Blue ponders this, she walks up the gentle green hill of New Bark Cemetery. She sees Crystal in the distance, whom immediately takes notice of her with narrowing eyes and stiff body language. 

‘Oh,’ Blue thinks vapidly to herself, ‘Yellow’s gonna hear it.’

She is unfazed by Crys’ disdain and walks evermore confidently, catching sight of Yellow, Green, Red, and Gold’s mother (‘Your son’s gone,’ she thinks, ‘quit pretending you ever cared for Silver, because your little slut never loved him and you don’t know the half of it’).

What little conversation existed before she arrived dies out. Yellow fiddles with her sleeves. Red and Green keep their gazes solemn and level with the horizon. Only Crystal meets her eyes, undoubtedly with the same fiery malice as she carried towards Blue at Silver’s apartment. 

Gold’s mom speaks up first, breaking the fitful silence hanging over the burial ground.

“Hello, Blue.” Her voice is low pitched and pleasant to the unsuspecting ear, but Blue doesn’t fall for it, nor does she pretend to fall for it. She’s done pretending. 

She continues, “We all figured- we figured that Silver wouldn’t want a big production of a funeral, so we’ll pass on the theatrics. We’ll just... lay him to rest with-“

Her voice cuts out. She blinks once and again, failing to will away the tears threatening to cascade down her face. 

‘What a spectacle,’ Blue observes to herself. ‘The perfect mother grieving her perfect son.’

“What a joke” comes out of her mouth before she realizes she’d spoken at all. Time stands still. Gold’s mother stares at her, her piercing yellow eyes boring holes through her head. Green takes a deep breath and Crys’ cheeks flush with anger. Before any action could be taken, Red hustles to Blue, tugging at her wrist and all but dragging her to the side. 

“What are you-“

“Blue,” he cuts her off. She slaps his hand away and Red steps back, clenches his jaw, and looks at the sky for a moment. Seemingly regaining composure, he tries again: “Blue, you need to stop.”

“Stop what? I haven’t done anything!”

“Look, I get it. You’re angry that Silver’s gone. That’s okay, but you can’t lash out at everyone like that. We all loved him, Blue, and we miss him and Gold both.”

She’s seething at his attempted smoothing of the situation. 

“You’re doing it too. Why bring up Gold at all? Why not just mourn Silver? Was he not his own person? They’re not some fucking conjoined entity! And I don’t need your help!”

She’s storming away from him before he can open his mouth to argue. Red catches up by the time Blue’s fervent footsteps halt at the sparsely populated area, and with a worried glance towards her, he settles back next to Green and Yellow. They all watch her. She ignores them. 

Gold’s mother, ever the practiced moderator of funerals, clears the lump from her throat and begins:

“If anyone has something to say as we lay our beloved friend Silver to rest for eternity, please, go ahead.”

The air remains thick with repressed emotion and growing pressure. Pidgeys chirp cheerily in the distance; the lush elm and oak trees sway slightly in the ever-blowing New Bark breeze, and Blue can’t help but note the difference between the clear blue, vivid sky and the murky hole of Silver’s grave just below it. 

“I’ll go,” Green speaks up. 

She glowers to herself (“what can he possibly have to say about Silver? He tried to fucking arrest him!”) but keeps quiet, keen on seeing this spectacle through to the end. 

He takes a breath, not moving his gaze from the ground. “I didn’t know him in the way that you knew him.” She waits for Green to meet her expectant stare. He looks to Crystal and Gold’s mother instead. “But I know dignity and strength when I see it, and Silver had more dignity and strength in his short life than many others who lived triple the time he did. There’s not much else to say. I’ll miss him. So will everyone.”

Approving murmurs ghost up Blue’s spine, setting single nerves on fire. She can feel the smoke the small blazes emit and knows that they will grow with time, especially in this environment. 

Red goes next. He spouts some bullshit about wanting to be there for Silver, wanting to guide him through the hard times and encourage his growth. 

“But I was never worried because I knew he had loving people around him. He had friends, a sister, and a partner, all who adored him unconditionally. I just... wish that things would’ve turned out differently.”

‘I tried,’ Blue thinks, ‘I tried to make sure it wouldn’t end up this way, but they wouldn’t let me. He wouldn’t let me.’

Her heart sinks when professional, serious Crystal volunteers to go next. With her azure eyes aflame with tears and her voice shaking with the failing effort to remain steady, she talks about her loss- losses, Crys emphasizes (with a glance towards her that Blue does not miss) with a hiccuped laugh- how life is so different now without her boys, how quiet the lab is without Gold barging in and how odd it will be to see all of Silver’s secret bases going into disrepair. Blue allows herself to tune out the girl’s weepy réquiem until Crystal ends the affair with:

“Silver was like a brother to me. Words can’t describe how terrible this situation is, but I like to believe that he’s somewhere far away, happy with the love of his life.”

Blue can feel the smoke strangling her lungs. It rises, thick and black, up her throat and settles in her mouth with a desperation to escape. 

‘Like a brother to me.’

She’s had that same line of thought before, with the very same person as Crys. But her situation with him was genuine. 

When her world was training and beatings and masks of ice, Silver was there alongside her, struggling by her side. And when Blue sat next to him, two partners in their frigid prison, she had felt a twinge of foreign protectiveness over him. 

‘This is what it must feel like,’ she thought, ‘to have a little brother.’

Nobody could take that bond away. Nobody could appropriate it. And nobody could claim to know even a fraction of the person Silver was except for her. 

Before she can stop it, Blue’s voice fills the air: “I’d like to say something.”

Five pairs of eyes dart towards her. 

She takes a breath. The smog within stings her vocal cords. 

“When I had nothing, I had Silver. When I was stolen from my home and taken to a foreign place and forced to work for years, he was right next to me. I was never alone because I had him and he was never alone because he had me. And even when we got out, that bond we formed never broke. I trusted him. I trusted the judgement I instilled in him. I trusted that he could make his own decisions-“ the fire blazes again, “-and I was wrong.”

There’s fire along with the last word out of her mouth, burning and blazing out in the air, finally at the surface. Acutely Blue can see Red’s mouth open with an objection and continues before he can whisk her away again. 

“Blue-“

“No, Red. You want final words? You’ll fucking get them. I love Silver with all my heart, but he royally fucked up many times. He fucked up when we trained together, he fucked up when stealing totodile-“ Blue sucks in air to quell the burning in her lungs, “-and he fucked up by ever interacting with Gold!”

“Blue! That’s enough!” Green is oddly frantic, striding towards her. Red is right next to him. Yellow grabs a hold of Crystal’s black jacket and pleads with her, ignored as she begins to seethe. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Blue!” Crys breaks free of Yellow’s grip and stomps over. She stops a foot away from her, and Blue can see her wild eyes and gritted teeth. She continues hotly: “you’re just upset that he found somebody who showed him that the world wasn’t out to get him. You’re angry that he found love without you!”

“Your little friend ruined my brother’s life,” Blue snarls. “Gold never loved him-“

“That’s bullshit,” Red interjects. At Blue’s stunned gaze, he doubles down. “Everybody could see that they loved each other- that they were happy together! Everybody but you. You saw it clear as day, and you denied it.”

The world suddenly feels too hot; the sun is suddenly too bright and the colors around her are too vibrant. The people around her- her friends, she has to remind herself- are reduced to shrill splotches of voices and movement. Blue is puzzled by this until she realizes that the blazing fire inside her stomach has extinguished itself, turning into a hot wetness that feels alarmingly like tears. And when they spill from her eyes, she swipes at them angrily. They have no right to see her cry. 

“I just wanted the best for him,” she chokes out, “I gave him everything, but he went and threw it all away! He threw it all away just to be with-“

Her voice cracks and dies out, and she’s left sobbing alone, close to other people yet simultaneously isolated far away, on that old place she used to frequently inhabit. It used to be just her and Silver. Now she’s alone again. 

When a warm hand lays lightly on her shoulder, she allows herself to lean into it for a split second, pretending it to be Silver’s. But it’s not- when she opens her eyes again it’s Gold’s mother, soft and kind and infuriatingly comforting. Her amber eyes hold a disgusting sympathy within them. Blue yanks herself away before the woman can speak. 

“Get off!” She’s shrieking, backing up and pointing at Gold’s mother. “You raised a no good whore of a son! That demented faggot of yours killed my brother!”

“Demented faggot,” Gold’s mother is muttering, her cheeks turning bright red and clashing with her darkening eyes. “No good whore. My son... it’s real funny, Blue, that you mention my Gold being a no good whore, because he said something very similar about you.”

Blue feels sets of eyes on her, but her own sight is locked on Gold’s mother, who holds it with a growing intensity. 

She continues, “When I think of a no good whore, I don’t think of my son. No.” Her voice raises. “When I think of a no good whore, I think of somebody who’s too far into their own jealousy to see their loved one’s happiness. I think of somebody who will stop at nothing to prove their point, no matter how sick and twisted it is. When I think of a no good whore, I think of somebody who tries to seduce a person and break up their relationship.”

“No,” Blue chokes out. 

“My son was not a no good whore, Blue. You are. You tried to get him in bed with you, but he turned you down because he loved Silver!”

Time stands still. There’s silence around her, and she knows that they’re all standing in shock and disbelief, but Blue can’t look away from the woman in front of her. Amber eyes break their stare and shift slightly to the left, and before Blue can turn, she’s slamming into the ground, her head roaring in pain and her world spinning with the force of Crystal’s kick. A foot stomps on her side once. She tries to crawl away but can’t seem to make her body move. 

Another kick to her gut. Commotion is all around her, enhancing the pain and nausea pounding in her ears; it comes in dancing shadows over her sprawled form and voices from up above. Somebody- a female- is yelling, but Blue can’t decipher what she’s saying. Two deeper voices are franticly addressing the shouting one. When rough sets of hands help her to her feet, Blue takes in a bit of the scene: Green and Red are at her sides, turning her around and walking her away, while Crystal, Gold’s mom, and Yellow remain behind, the latter two soothing the former as she shakes with fury.

Blue turns around and spits at them. Her saliva is mixed with blood and dirt, and Red and Green haul her away faster. 

The boys don’t respond as she seethes, cursing Crys and Gold’s mom as well as the entire funeral. It’s hard to talk with the way she feels her face swelling, but the excess flames have to come out. The burning inside her never seems to calm down. 

“Fuck them,” she growls, her voice slurred and weak. “And fuck both of you.”

Green sighs and Red stays silent. 

Blue doesn’t remember the walk home. 

—————

Red is sitting next to her beside, sitting up slightly as she stirs. 

“Hey,” Blue says. 

“Hey.”

She immediately notices the detachment in his voice, but the pounding pain in her head quickly steals her focus.

“How you feeling?”

Blue laughs softly then winces, “Like I got kicked in the head. I can’t believe you guys didn’t stop her.” She lets her voice grow icy. “What kind of friends are you?”

He doesn’t move and he doesn’t look away. His scarlet gaze remains steady. Finally, after what seems like forever, Red closes his eyes and shakes his head. 

“How could you?” He asks. 

At the sight of her brows knitting together in confusion, he continues. 

“You came onto your brother’s boyfriend. How could you do that?”

She sighs tiredly. 

“Red. I only wanted what was best for him-“

“No, you only wanted what was best for you. You were willing to break his heart just to get your own way.”

Blue sits up, her head throbbing, and glares heatedly at her friend. 

“I don’t need your shoddy attempt at psychoanalyzing me, Red,” she growls. “How about you quit pretending you know the situation, because you don’t.”

“I bet I do-“

She points across the room: “Door’s that way. I don’t need a bedside nurse.”

Red’s quiet for a moment, his face blank with thought; when he gets up, sending his chair loudly scraping behind him, Blue notices an uncharacteristic malice in his eyes. He strides quickly to the door before pausing and turning around. 

“Maybe you did what you thought was right, but maybe you didn’t know Silver as much as you thought you did.”

With that, he was gone. 

Blue lays silently for a long while after, attempting to hear her deep breathing through the insistent ringing in her ears. Green had mentioned a possible concussion, but she isn’t about to take any explanations from him, or any of his fucked up friends. 

They’re all fake, anyway. Untrustworthy. They don’t know anything about her. None of them do. 

‘Nobody does,’ she realizes with a pained little chuckle, because it’s true. Who does she have, anyway? Besides shit “friends” who stood around and let her get assaulted and parents who had lost her for a period of ten years, she has no one. The one person she’d let into her little world is gone- and had ripped apart her trust as he went. 

That line of thought frays as she dozes off, and when she next awakens, he’s there by her bedside. 

But he’s different. Younger. Blue can’t quite place his age, but enough is explained by the mask over his face, slightly illuminated by the moonlight streaking dimly through her blinds. 

At first her throat goes dry at the sight of him- she almost reaches to her own face to ensure that it’s uncovered- but her anxiety shifts from her own sake to his. 

“Silver,” Blue whispers, her head pounding as she attempts to sit up in bed. He doesn’t move. 

She knows, deep in her pulsating, injured head, that he’s not really there; she knows that the little boy in front of her has long since gone away, but Blue can allow herself to pretend for a moment, one more time. With a bated breath, she moves her legs over the side of her bed and sits up, gently reaching out to trace strands of red hair. 

“I’ve missed you,” comes out as a hoarse whisper. Blue wants to think that Silver’s happy to be there, happy to see her, but she can’t tell because of his mask. 

There’s only one thing to do. Her hands move from his hair to the side of his face, and Blue gains leverage by easing her fingers into the sides of the covering. The mask is freezing yet light against her fingertips. And, like she did so many years before, she pulls Silver’s mask free from his face. 

She sees his face, accentuated with a childish smoothness. She sees his eyes, bright and gray as ever. She sees how his mouth is set in disgust and how his red brows are furrowed together. 

She sees his face and realizes that he is angry. 

The mask is lighter than Blue remembers. Her knuckles grow white with how hard she’s clutching it, struck terrified at Silver’s expression. What fragments of sentences and questions she has never even reach her vocal chords, but before Blue has the opportunity to put her frantic thoughts into sound, Silver speaks. 

“I thought you’d always be there for me,” he starts, “I thought you’d always support me.”

“I did...” The words are barely audible. Blue shakes her pounding head: ‘this is a nightmare,’ she reasons, ‘he’s not here.’

But he is- when her teary eyes open, Silver is still standing there, looking just as angry as he did moments before.

“No you didn’t. You always told me how much I meant to you and how you’d always be my ally. I thought it was true-“

“Silver-“

His gray eyes narrow and he steps back from the bed, crossing his arms over his chest. It’s a stance she knows too well: closed off, stiff, ready to run- it’s how she taught him to regard strangers. Enemies. 

“-but it wasn’t. You stopped supporting me when I began to choose for myself and make my own decisions. You didn’t like me being with Gold because it didn’t fit into the role you’d assigned for me. We were supposed to always be siblings; I was always supposed to be standoffish and dependent on you. I wasn’t supposed to become my own person.”

Blue’s voice is a defeated interjection, “Silver...”

He continues, his young voice raising: “You said you’d always help me, but instead you tried to destroy the things that made me happy. You couldn’t move past your trauma and you wanted the same for me.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I do. And deep down, you do too.” Silver takes a step towards her and leans forward, his mouth curling into a wicked sneer. 

“Stop it-“

“Stop denying it, Blue. You valued your comfort over my happiness.”

“Silver-“

“You didn’t care about what I had to say-“

“Please!-“

“You were wrong,” he hisses, malice thick in his voice, “about everything.”

Blue can’t take him: she can’t bear to meet Silver’s loathing eyes, or hear his vicious voice, or process the things he’s saying to her. Rationale escapes her. His mask is in her hands, and, even as Silver continues speaking, Blue raises it with a incensed cry. 

She shoves it back onto his face, finally willing him to be quiet. 

The movement lands her on the floor of her empty room. She doesn’t have the motivation to get back into bed. 

——————

The dim sunlight of an early morning blares behind her eyes. Blue shifts, cognizant of her arms stretched in front of her. Her fingers tingle as they brush against a piece of paper, in precisely the spot Silver- and his mask- had been. In his place is a note; the sheer sight of it makes her stomach drop. 

She’s seen it before: the rough handwriting, the crossed out mistakes, and the phrases. 

Silver said to her what he’d written. 

‘You were wrong about everything.’

His words, though unspoken, are real. The nightmare is real. That anger, hatred, hopelessness....

Blue shakes her head. The movement aches, but does not come close to the pain searing in her heart. Silver. Her Silver. Her little brother. 

‘You were wrong about everything.’

Could it be? Could her plans have been so off? Had she failed to be the big sister she always prided herself in being? 

Who was misleading, mistaken, malevolent? Was it Silver? Him, or the others that defended him?

Or was it her?

Any other day Blue would’ve brushed the thought off with a trained and perfected confidence, but today her head hurts and the evidence of her worries is patiently folded in her hand. It will be there even when her world isn’t spinning and her ears don’t ring. She wants to rip it up, but that would just silence Silver once again. 

She rereads it instead. She takes in the words and tries to look at things from another perspective. 

‘What had I wanted for him after we’d escaped?’ She asks herself silently. 

Quite a few things come to mind- she wanted him to stay safe, to be independent, to be able to go home and put the past behind him- her heart clenches. 

‘I wanted him to be happy.”

Her one-sided conversation veers off into silence and Blue gets back in bed and allows her head to hit the pillow as she thinks. She wanted Silver to be happy because he deserved happiness; Silver deserved the world and she’d tried to give it to him, but...

The juxtaposition is striking. Blue thinks about Silver’s happiness while holding his suicide note. 

‘Things should’ve been different,” Blue ponders. ‘Maybe I should’ve backed off when he told me to. Maybe I should’ve listened more. I should have apologized. Maybe I still can.”

She pauses at that final thought. She isn’t good at apologies and she isn’t fond of ‘what-ifs’. But if it was for Silver, she’d do it. Even if it meant admitting her own faults. 

“Silver,” she chokes out. “Silver, come back. I have something to say for you.”

She almost curses her own foolishness- Silver isn’t here and he never came to her. It was all a dream. Silver isn’t here and he isn’t listening to whatever measly apology she has to muster up. Whatever apology she has is much too late to do any good. 

But she isn’t invested in reality now because the sudden guilt is creeping up where the anger used to be, crawling thick and heavy up her throat and threatening to strangle her voice. There isn’t much time and her head is throbbing and she feels like she’s about to pass out so she gets up, her feet wobbling, and staggers to her dresser. It’s hard to navigate with the tears in her eyes but sure enough, her hands close around familiar soft material. Blue sits back on her bed with her little brother’s gloves in her hands. 

She takes a heaving breath, trying to hold back the memories of Silver shoving his gloves into her hands. A shake of her head wills them away. Her hands tighten around the fabric and she squeezes her eyes shut, attempting to visualize Silver sitting with her- and willing to listen to what she has to say. 

“I know it’s too late. I know I should’ve said this a long time ago, but...” clearing her throat doesn’t make talking any easier but she pushes forward, “... I’m sorry, Silver, okay? I’m sorry. I was wrong, and I should’ve listened to what you had to say, and I know that there’s no way to fix this now, but I hope you can forgive me. I love you, Silver. Always have and always will.”

When her eyes open, her knuckles are white with how hard she’s gripping the gloves. She did it. She apologized. But deep down Blue knows that there’s something else she needs to say. 

One more breath: “I want you... to tell Gold I’m sorry. I’m sorry, and I wish you two the best of everything, wherever you are.”

Something lifts off of her. She doesn’t know what it is, whether it be her guilt or simply an insincere rush of contentment, but there is a shift. 

Maybe she’ll change her mind the next time she wakes up. Maybe she’ll take it back. But maybe, maybe- she yawns, laying back- this is a decision she won’t regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who’s stuck with how long this hasn’t been finished, I really, really appreciate you! I hope you’ve enjoyed the heartbreak 💕💕


End file.
